tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5714211102904544138.post7843064190263663498..comments2024-02-22T00:22:35.193-08:00Comments on Orphan Handbook: Moving in with a new familyAuthorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13625529591756755950noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5714211102904544138.post-37599729079602272702010-01-31T16:36:43.345-08:002010-01-31T16:36:43.345-08:00Excellent post! I became an orphan at 16. My uncle...Excellent post! I became an orphan at 16. My uncle became my guardian. Despite our families having been very close (spent holidays/vacations together) this did not turn out well. <br />I never lived with my guardian. Instead, my grandmothers would rotate spending a few months with me when they could & sometimes I would live on my own for a few weeks. My grandmothers were nice, but had their own lives in different cities & one did not drive. I was responsible for my parents’ home.<br /><br />Here are a few additional tips.<br />1. Health insurance—I never even thought about this as a teen orphan. My guardian could add me to his insurance for a small fee paid by my mother’s estate, but did not—he said it was unlikely I would need it & it would be a waste of money (yet he insured his own kids). I am so lucky that I did not become seriously ill (e.g., cancer) or hurt (e.g., car accident) during this time. I would have been forever trying to pay off the medical bills & likely would have had to file bankruptcy. <br />2. Don't feel bad about accepting help. I felt guilty, but I accepted help. My friends were amazing—one grocery shopped, another helped me clear the driveway/sidewalk when it snowed etc. School advisers, my mother's friends, my friends’ parents helped me figure out college (e.g. visiting colleges, figuring out what colleges to apply to, completing applications), moved me into the dorms and sent me care packages.<br />3. Have a job & save money. Even if your parents left money behind, you may have to go through your guardian to access it. Having your own money will ensure you have access to money in case of an emergency or if you have to pay for something your guardian doesn't want to (school dances, gas for your car, etc).<br />4. Being on your own is expensive. When you rent your first apartment, they often want first month’s rent, last month’s rent & a security deposit upfront. Consider roommates (their parents may be willing to co-sign) , having enough saved to pay a larger deposit or subleasing from a person instead of renting directly from a landlord. <br />5. Think about what you want to do & what you need to accomplish your goals (e.g., attend training program/college, save money, get scholarships or loans for school). Also, think about where you will be going (e.g., college), how you will get there (your own car, a friend, a bus) & where you will live. Don't rely on being able to go back to your guardian's home. They may not invite you & even if they do, there may be places you would be more welcomed. <br />6. Keep your belongings limited to those things you really need or are very important to you. This makes it easier to be move around. Not having too many personal belongings makes moving around frequently much easier. <br />7. Have a good piece of luggage. I spent a lot of time staying at other people’s houses during the holidays/school breaks & it was helpful to have a clean looking & spacious bag that I could take with me as I traveled between these places.<br />8. If you are not from big city with a great public transportation system consider saving for & buying a reliable car. Parents often transport their kids &/or lend their kids the family car. This is not always the case with guardians. Having a car was vital for me, as I had to get to/from work/school, go grocery shopping, etc. I also bounced around a lot during school breaks & having a car allowed me to do this much more easily.<br />9. Don’t give up on having a family. Even if you are not adopted, you may find yourself becoming part of a family (e.g., friends of your parents, people you met at school or work), While it is not the same as having your “real family" back, it is nice to have a family of some type.<br />10. Find an outlet for your grief (e.g., someone to talk to, counseling, support group, journaling). Your guardian may not think this is important or have any idea what to do for you. If you aren’t getting help say something to someone (school advisor, parent of a friend) that can help you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com