Great Idea for Orphans!

I just thought of this a while ago and I am not sure why I never thought of this before. But you know how it can be difficult when you have lost someone and you want to talk about them. I think it is fine to talk about your lost loved one. As often as you want. If they were still here it would be okay to talk about them. Why would it be wrong to talk about them if they have past away? Anyways. I find it very important to find friends and soul mates that understand what you are going through. And I thought of a great why for orphans to find others who may have lost a loved one.

Visit a graveyard on Mother's Day or Father's day etc. It could even be your own Mother or Father's grave. I have never visited before on any of those days...but I think if you did you may have some company. At least you will feel like you aren't the only one who feels the sadness of that day. You may meet someone who has also lost a parent or someone who you can talk to about your loss.

I think its ingenious.

Rule # 1 of being an orphan: Never give up!

Rule # 1 of being an orphan: Never give up!

Years ago I tried to find out where my mom's ashes were sprinkled. . I celled the funeral home. They said it was by this lake which didn't make sense since it was in the middle of a golf course. I called a few times to confirm this. I even got a faxed copy. A few years later I had my boyfriend drive up there on Mother's Day to visit the spot...and there was construction. Bulldozers, etc. It just didn't seem right. So I finally emailed them. I could direct my email to the cremation dept. A week past and no reply. Every time I got upset about a difficulty in life I would wish I could talk to my mom. I would wish I could visit her resting place. Then about two weeks later I got a reply to my email. It said that she wasn't north of the lake. She was in the north part of the cemetery by the lake. I was so happy. That made sense. The email even included details that confirmed that they actually knew what they were talking about this time.

As an orphan I think it is really important to fight for what means the most to you. A lot may not understand or even care. But just do it and never give up. This will help you in your difficult life.

Remembering the past

One thing I have noticed is it hurts when something reminds you of what you have lost. Like if a song plays and you aren't emotionally ready to deal with remembering. Its like being emotionally harassed.

But there are times when I will purposely download songs my mom listened to and it doesn't hurt as much. It actually makes me feel good. I look for pictures of my home town that remind me of old times when we were together.

So its just when we are reminded of our lost against our will that it hurts so much. But when we choose to reminisce it feels more healing and we feel more in control.

One of my last happy memories was of my mom and my sister visiting Spooky World in Berlin, Mass. It was on an old farm and I loved it so much! We stood in line for hours waiting for the hayride and listening to Tiny Tim. So now I want to surround myself with things that remind me of that time. I makes it feel like its the same life. It comforts me. I deserve to feel that way. I am not living in the past...I am linking the past with the present so I can move on.

Many people who have lost loved ones turn to drugs or even suicide. I find those things as a last resort. I will try everything else to cope before doing those things.

But listening to old songs...seeing pics of old McDonalds restaurants...pretending its always halloween....those things help me so much. Its makes life more exciting and peaceful. Halloween is my drug.

Find what comforts you and follow that. Old movies you used to watch, music helps alot, places, colors, food, smells, etc.

Build your paradise the best way you can.

I have found the thing that hurts me the most is being reminded that I am different than a lot of people. I can't call my mom whenever I want to. So instead of forgeting my mom and the way things used to be...I will forget the "normal" people who take things for granted and I will remember the way things used to be and make the past become the present.

Don't put up with peoples crap

I finally tried to take a Greyhound bus to Philly. But the bus ride didn't go too well. And the bus misssed my transfer in St. Louis cus it was late and my relatives weren't too happy either. So I decided to go back home to Tulsa. I had grown very close to a friend there and he offered to drive my back to Tulsa from Philly.

But based on all the things that have happened in the past. We really shouldn't have to take crap from people. If you boss is mean to you then do something. Get a new job or say something. Don't suffer. Don't wait hoping that people will change. This is your life. You deserve to enjoy it.

If people are rude to you at a grocery store....go to different one. If you relatives won't accept you for who you are...then move on. Be yourself and forget them.

When people are nice to you then you can try to trust them and love them.

But most importantly just don't take peoples crap. Do what you want to do in life.

Donate to help Japan

Just a reminder that recently there have been a massive earthquake and tsunami and a nuclear crisis. Don't forget to donate to Redcross.org to help.

My dog died

I'm sorry for the lack of updates. We had a snow storm and I got to stay at home with Vlad more than I ever have but he got sick at the same time. Then it seem to clear up over the weekend then it started again last Saturday. I took him to the vet on Monday morning cus he was still throwing up and weak and not eating. They gave me some speacial food and medicine to give him. I kept him in his kennel for the rest of the day while I went to work. I came home and he wouldn't eat the food. I was gonna call the vet in the morning. But then Vlad feel asleep and died next to me.

I didn't realize it until hours later at 11:45pm. Then I tried calling some friends.
I couldn't believe he was gone. I thought he would atleast have a few more days. And I hate how I can't just bring him back. I hate how his body is there but his spirit is somewhere else. I hate how he left and I didn't even know it.

Later we found out that he had a large hairball stuck in his stomach. He was always licking the carpet and eating hair. I stopped him a few times but he may have done that all day when I was at work...for two years.

I keep wondering if I could have done something. I wish he were still here.

I hate going home and it all feels so sad without him.

I wonder when it won't hurt as much.

Gone so fast. Never really got to say good bye.

Why does it have to be this way?

Time to file your taxes

Just a reminder that once you get your w2 you can get your taxes done. (USA orphans)
here is the post from last year to help you find a place to do your taxes:
http://orphanhandbook.blogspot.com/2010/01/tax-advice-for-orphans.html

You should get your w2 forms by January 31st. By law they must mail them to you by January 31st or give them to you on that day. (this is US law).

Stay warm.