Why is there so much pain in this world?

I just learn about how children are being enslaved off the Ivory Coast to harvest chocolate and then I hear about an earthquake hitting Haiti. It is all so upsetting. Why is there so much pain in this world?

I sit and watched all the tweets on twitter about the earthquake and most are saying that they are glad it wasn't them. Some are praying and others are donating.

Sometimes it seems like bad things happen so others will care.

Of course a Tsunami will occur after the earthquake. More tragedies.

Have you ever wondered what life would be like if nothing bad ever happened to you? When a tragedy happens and its all over the news you wouldn't care. You wouldn't be able to relate. Pain keeps us human.

Buildings can be rebuilt. Crops can be replanted. Fires can be extinguished. Even livestock rebred. But the main impact of this earthquake is lost loved ones. Bones can mend and wounds can heal. But families are torn apart.

Its strange how some tragedies make the news and gain the sympathy of the world and others go unnoticed and remain a secret for the most part. I was living without electricity when hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. I'm not upset. I managed. They needed the help more than me.

Now with new technology we can help people even faster and news can spread even faster. Thousands and thousands of people on twitter.com were tweeting about the quake. I remember on the morning of the 7th year anniversary of 9/11 hundreds of people were tweeting tributes to the victims and survivors of 9/11.

I still don't quite understand. If everyone cared then all tragedies wouldn't be so harsh. But still why must it happen. If nothing bad ever happened then we all really wouldn't care about each other.

And is death really that bad? Yes, we can't see or communicate with our loved ones for the rest of our lives. But what about when we die also? Will we both be together again? Is there just a wall between the world of the living and the world of the dead?

Is the whole point of human existence to teach us how to love and to care by experiencing and witnessing tragedies?

Its all so complicated. I don't understand. Why is it that when the Earth grows and expands it shakes and causes life forms on the surface to be injured and die? I hope one day we will all understand.

The more you know. the less you understand. - Tao Te Ching

A Thank You from another Orphan

This blog is only a month old and I have gotten several visits. Some were people searching google for "orphan jokes". Teh Get a life! But some were other orphans. Some leave comments and say exactly what I am hoping to accomplish with this blog. (by the way my email is on my profile) No spam or hateful emails. I wanted to post one of the comments I received the other day:

"I came across your blog when doing a web search...my grief counselor wants me to write a 2 page paper on what it means to be an orphan--I have to complete this by tomorrow. I wanted you to know how thrilled I am to have seen your blog; I never thought I would see anything like this.

I became an orphan at age 16 (mother died when I was 16, father died when I was 15). I have been an orphan for longer than I have been a non-orphan. I am just seeing grief counselor now because I apparently never grieved appropriately earlier and an event occurred this past year which apparently set off delayed grief (which sucks--really would have been nice to keep this in a small nice little box buried deep inside me). So I guess I now have to grieve/mourn for my parents. Why now? No adult in my life guided me to such when I was in high school and I was too busy trying to take care of the house my parents left behind, participate in school activities, work my after-school/summer jobs, getting myself into and off to college etc to do anything about it myself.

My main reason for leaving this comment is to let you know how needed your site is--I wish I would have found this or something similar years ago. I really do not know anyone else personally that was an orphan as a child and from my previous web searches there really are not any groups etc that would bring orphans together or provide them resources.

I think your efforts to create the orphan handbook and to bring orphans together are admirable and so needed. I really could have used someone else to talk with about being an orphan, or a book/blog to get information from to learn how others grieve, how to do the things in life that your parents would have taught you were they here, what to do with yourself during Christmas break when the dorms are closed etc...

Thanks for creating the orphan handbook—and for your willingness to put yourself out there. I really admire and respect your willingness to share your own story and for broadening awareness about orphans (I think many think once the orphanages closed there just weren't orphans in the US anymore). Your efforts will inspire me as I do my dreaded “grief homework” today.

Thanks again!"

Your feedback is an inspiration and it reminds me that I need to keep writing. Never keep your grief buried. That isn't healthy. Grieving is normal. Orphans are normal people who have had a normal thing happen in their life. Its just not very common. Its normal to love someone who has passes away. Its normal to miss them and it is normal to cry. Don't bury it.

Sometimes we are distracted after we lose our loved ones. I was busy thinking about boys. I never really started to miss mom until I was 21. Then I started to miss her everyday. I still do. She was meant to be a part of my everyday life. Why would she not be even if she has passed away?

I remember a time when I thought I wasn't going to be able to finish college. I tried to get a scholarship because my mom had died of cancer. I had to write a paper about losing my mom to cancer. I cried and I cried. You know when the muscles in your face tense up and your body shakes. Finally I got the paper done and I read the rules and I didn't qualify because too much time has lapse since she died. I was very upset but I think I needed to write that paper.

Grief is a strange thing. I'm not sure why it is necessary. Why does water have to come out of our eyes? It is so inconvenient. But it is better than holding the sadness in.

Thats is great that you have a counselor and that you are dealing with your grief. Thats the problem with this world. Everyone runs from their problems. They even run from other peoples problems. The world doesn't know and doesn't want to know what its like to be an orphan. We all need to learn to care. Thats why we have feelings. So we can care about others and help others. Otherwise we would just be robots and just go through motions.

I never really looked into having a counselor or a therapist etc. I never thought they would really understand me. But for some it is just what they need. At least have someone to talk to. I remember getting a tattoo because it was like paying someone to talk to me and spend some time with me.

Perhaps you are starting your grief now because this is the best time. Back then I hadn't started this blog. Perhaps this blog will help. It all happens for reason.

I hope this blog does help others of my own kind. I hope it stay around for a long time. I have always wanted to find others of my own kind. To see how they coped. So far we all seem to be reacting the same way. Which is good. It also makes me feel that I am not alone. We become an inspiration to each other. We strengthen each other. Like a family.

I remember in High school I had a mother figure. She was a French teacher from Canada. I wanted to work at an orphanage in Canada. I wrote letters to several orphanages in Canada. Finally my aunt told me the main reason why there aren't so many orphanages is because of abortion. I guess I gave up. The next year over 1,300 kids were orphaned by the terrorist attacks of September 11th. I hope this blog will help them one day. Here I am still trying to help orphans.

I have thought about telling others to write about their grief but I don't want them to be overwhelmed. Keeping a journal helps. You grieve a little each day. Then you can look back on your thoughts as time goes by.

Thanks for the feedback. Go ahead and spread the word about the Orphan Handbook. We all just want to make life easier of all of us.

The 100 Things Challenge

While browsing various blogs on minimalism, I came across the 100 things challenge. You try to minimize the number of your possessions down to 100 things not counting furniture, books, or collections. I don't know why a minimalist would have a collection of anything. I guess it would include dvds or a photo album etc. I think I could do the 100 things challenge. I think I am already there. I just haven't listed them. So here goes. I guess going by room would be easiest.

Bedroom
1. bed
2. pet carrier
3. radio
4. art on wall
5. alarm clock
6. purse
7. curtains
8. pillow
9. shoes
10. comforter

Bathroom
11. soap
12. shampoo
13. toothpaste
14. tooth brush
13. comb
14. patchouli oil
15. deodorant
16. make up
17. hanging rubber bat
18. bathrobe
19. shower curtain
20. rug
21. shower brush
22. loofa
23. hair dryer
24. curling iron
25. hair spray
26. medicine
27. mirror
28. towel
29. face cloth
30. floss
31. mouthwash
32. razor
33. laundry bag
34. bottle of 409
35. girl toiletries

Kitchen
36. blender
37. dogs medicine
38. salt
39. mug
40. dish
41. rag
42. pan
43. frying pan
44. spatula
45. art on wall
46. dog shampoo
47. laundry detergent
48. can of raid
49. dish soap
50. strainer

Living room
51. tv
52. vcr/dvd player in one
53. clock
54. lava lamp
55. bowl for laundry quarters
56. lotion
57. framed picture
58. art
59. fake skull
60. skull candle
61. books
62. dvds
63. VHS tapes
64. stuffed animal
65. wooden cat
66. dog bed
67. blanket
68. space heater
69. futon
70. chair
71. trunk
72. mac book
73. universal remote
74. notebook
75. backpack
76. photo album
77. magazines
78. dog dish
79. bean bag
80. art supplies
81. giant T-bone steak sculpture
82. broom
83. umbrella
84. table
85. lamp
86. dog leash
87. other purse
88. coat
89. scarf
90. gloves

Closet
91. clothes
92. extra shoes
93. dog paper
94. skateboard
95. vacuum
96. art
97. rug
98. empty boxes
99. box of stuff to go to Goodwill
100. rack for clothes

I am pretty much there. I only have 5 pairs of shoes. I didn't list my dogs nail clippers. I know there are some things I listed that could go I guess. The empty boxes are for if I move or get rid of more stuff. My sister gave me the wooden cat. I do only have one dish and one bowl. I wash them by hand. its nice to know i am quite close to only 100 things. But still the place looks cluttered since it is such a small place. All those pictures you see on Google of the minimal homes....they are actually big rooms with lots of space. I am still not satisfied. I want to be more minimal. When winter is over I want to get rid of one of my blankets. Get rid of some more clothes. Almost there.

20 Tips on Creating a Minimalist Haven

One thing a recommend to reduce stress in your life is to declutter and simplify your home. This is especially good in case you need to move to a new place in a hurry. This is especially easy if you live alone. If you have roommates this can by kind of difficult.

1. Try organizing one room at a time. The closet can be a good start.

2. Picture in your head what you want the room to look like. See how simple it is and that can help you to move towards your goal. Try googling pictures of "Zen homes". This can be quite an inspiration.

3. Tables, shelves and drawers are good to stack things on and for storage. Its the clutter around it that needs to go. Remember to keep what inside of those drawers organized also.

4. Smaller artwork on walls is better. This will help you visualize the minimal home you are wanting. Roll up that giant movie poster and put up a framed 8x10 photo of a friend or loved one. Small frames are also cheaper than a big poster.

5. Keep counter top items to a minimum. Put the items in drawers or on a shelf.


6. Go through your clothes. Anything you don't wear anymore sell or give to Goodwill. Remember to remove the hangers that hung the unwanted clothes so you don't end up adding more clothes later on.

7. Any shoes that you never wear anymore or that don't fit get rid of. Remember you only have two feet. You don't need 20 pairs of shoes. I have just 5 pairs. I keep them in a box in my closet.

8. When going through those storage boxes, only keep what you need or what really means a lot to you.

9. I only use a few pots and pans. I don't need 3 different kids. Only a couple of mugs. I only have one mouth. I wash my dishes by hand right after I use them so they are clean the nest time I need to eat.

10. Sell somethings on ebay.com or craigslist.org. This will give you some extra cash. Give to Goodwill what you can't sell. Make sure to ask for a receipt so you can use it as a tax deduction.

11. I used to have three cans of hairspray. Now I am down to one. I just stopped buying hairspray and used what I had. They aren't that good for the environment anyways.

12. Get rid of extra towels. Just keep a few in the bathroom.

13. I also started using products that aren't tested on animals. Products made by Avon, Revlon, Shaklee, Mary Kay, etc. The only hassle is trying to find ones that match my bathroom.

14. Clean out your inbox on your email account. And change your computer desktop picture to something more simple.

15. Only one loofa. You only have two hands. If I had 5 hands then I would need 4 loofas. A loofa is the lacy ball that you clean yourself with in the shower. Kinda like a sponge. Its usually on a string.

16. I do keep an extra toothbrush just incase and extra combs.

17. One box of cereal at a time. If you live with other people you will have to guard your cereal.

18. Do you have stuff stuck to your fridge with magnets? Take those off. Only keep emergency numbers and important stuff on your fridge. Maybe a picture of a hot guy to greet you in the morning.

19. Why not clean out your car too? Throw out trash. Keep important car maintenance receipts in your glove box. And ice scraper and an air freshener is the only thing in my car. Plus some sunglasses. Yay, zen car.

20. Get a universal remote control. Mine works on the tv and the dvd/vhs player. Having only one remote also means using less batteries. You just have to program the remote. Its easy. Or you could just put the remotes in a drawer and try getting up off your butt to change the channel. I do a little bit of both.

Once you have your place as minimal as you want it. Remember to keep your place clutter free. And go through the home again once a month. This can become a nice hobby. Maintaining your stress free Zen home.

How to simplify your life

One of my biggest regrets in my life was not simplifying my life earlier. I had too much stuff. Eventually I lost it some of it gradually. I lost some after my mom died and I moved to the south. I lost more when I moved to college. But in college I could only have what was in half of a room. I was so happy there. Everything was simple. I had less but I had everything I needed in one little room. I moved into my first apartment and at one time I was about to move into my car because I couldn't pay rent. I always liked the idea of having everything I needed in one little backpack in case I needed to hop on a plane and go to another city and start a new life. All that would be in that backpack would be a sweater a pictures of my mom.

So last Spring I decided to simplify my life and declutter my place. I looked for online articles on decluttering and simplifying my life. They talked about Zen. Yes, Zen is what I wanted. Simplicity. What is really important is life and family. Not stuff. We orphans have been shown that. I don't understand wanting things. I want things that help me survive. I want to be with my mom. But I don't want stuff. I want life to be easier. I want to reduce stress in my life.

1. During the week I would go through a box of stuff. Old papers from college, books I didn't want anymore, clothes I never wore, old phone numbers, old drawings, sketches, trash. I kept what I needed. Of course what I need I use everyday and it wouldn't be found in a box in the closet. I also kept what meant something to me. Things irreplaceable. Like a old family photo album. I has several extra photos. I threw those out. On the weekend I put together a box of items to be donated to Goodwill. Also some bags of clothes that I just never wear. On Saturday I would donate usually about 2 boxes and 3 bags of clothes to Goodwill. I could have sold them but I just wanted to get rid of it now. I kept doing this for about a month. It took a while.

2. I took down big movie posters and put up small black and white 8x10 photos of my best friend and my mom. My microwave had started to make weird noises so I took it to a recycling center. I only use the stove now. I got rid of books that I never read. Kept the ones that inspire me. Only 4 I kept. I got rid of DVDs and movies that I didn't want to watch ever again. I kept the ones with hot guys in them and the ones that made me laugh.

3. I wanted to make my home a haven from the stress of the world around me. I would google photos of "Zen homes" and "Zen bedrooms" to get an idea of what I wanted. I threw out old magazines and only kept ones that I really liked. I got rid of a lot of stupid stuff that I didn't need. Probably one of the smartest things I have done in my life.

4. As an artist there is always some clutter of art supplies and paintings. I have a giant T-bone steak I have no idea where to put. Some more clutter has accumulated over the past 6 months. Especially from Christmas gifts. As a minimalist I hate the holidays. I am usually given things I have no need for. More clutter. Since this is a new year I thought it would be good tell you guys about what I have done. Maybe give you guys a better year with less stress. I also may be having two friends move in with me and I want to be able to keep my areas decluttered.