Keanu Reeves once said "Grief changes shape, but it never ends". I believe that to be true. We will never forget the loved ones we have lost but we need to learn to manage the grief so we can keep going in life and make things easier for us. Since I have been an orphan for over 10 years I will try to give you my best advice on the matter.
1. Get a hobby or two if you don't already have one. I know this sounds cheesey and it seems like you are running from the pain but your will come across triggers of grief many times in the future and then you can grieve. One shouldn't have to always feel the pain of losing a loved one. I think it is healthy to try to enjoy things in life. A hobby also can create goals and achievements in life. Things that would have made your loved one proud. I like to find ways of saving money. I know that would have made my mom proud. It also makes life easier for me. Also blogging to help others is a hobby that would have made her proud. Maybe do some volunteer work, write something, plant something...
2. Try watching a movie. Beware that some movies have emotional triggers and can make your pain worse. Try something comical that would make you laugh. I love vampire comedies. Don't let movie watching become an addiction. Its just something nice to past the time and put your mind at ease.
3. Keeping a journal helps. I have kept various journals since a year after my mom died. Its also nice to look back and see how things were a week or a year before. You can write about how you feel. If you are starting to not feel so on edge and maybe see what may cause emotional triggers. (a trigger is something that reminds you of your loved one consciously or subconsciously and causes you to become upset. Sometimes it can be a song, or what someone wore or even a time of year.)
4. Pick out a book to read. Its like the opposite of having a journal. It passes the time and keeps your mind occupied. And instead of putting things down on paper you are picking things up off of paper. Maybe a biography. I always love learning about other people and their lives. I always keep an emergency unread book around just in case I get lonely and kinda freak out if you know what I mean. And a library card doesn't cost anything.
5. Hang out with friends and family. It will keep your mind on other things and you will be surrounded by people who care about you. Maybe go camping, fishing, or go to a concert. Maybe a TINY bit of shopping wouldn't hurt. Wash your car, walk the dog.
6. Eat healthy. Going through the loss of a loved one can take a toll on you emotionally and your immune system can be weakened temporarily. Eating healthy will help you feel better and keep you from getting sick. If you are crying a lot drink lots of water. You don't want to get dehydrated and get sick.
7. Go see a counselor. There are lots of people who would loved to have someone to talk to but don't have anyone or can't afford it. Some people went to college just to be able to help you in your situation. Take advantage of that. There are hotlines that you can call also. You deserve to have someone to talk to.
8. If you start to cry in public, try to go to the restroom and sit and relax and take a deep breath. If you cry too hard it can hurt you physically. Its okay to cry a little. Understand that someone loses a loved one each day. Maybe try calling up a friend to talk to. Again drink lots of water. When you are dehydrated it will also cause headaches.
9. Try to see the good in the tragedy. Yes, it is obvious that a tragedy is a terrible thing. But great things can come from pain. If I weren't an orphan I wouldn't care at all about my own kind. At least not as much as I do now. But I do care and I want to help them and make life easier for them. If you can't see the good...then make the good. If you lost someone to cancer then try telling others about the dangers of cancer and maybe donate to help cancer research.
10. Pray. Even though life has been hard for me I am still gonna wait until the last minute to take my anger out on God. Maybe there is some good reason why it all happened the way it did. But why not talk to God? Mom is up there with Him now anyways. Or at least try talking to your loved one. This can be very hard. Sometimes its just easier to talk to the Man upstairs.
Well there is 10 ways to help with grieving. I hope I helped someone. We are all going through this together and we gotta help each other. We shouldn't have hard lives just because we loved and lost someone. Plus we may see them again.
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1 comment:
Thank you so much for just being there and clearly understanding what it's like. I lost my only brother and my mom and dad beginning at age 27 and today at 43 with 7 years as an orphan I am lost. My boyfriend of 14 years left me a week ago to How to even put it into words I gave him $500,000 for us to buy a restaurant. When we couldn't locate the last $150,000, he agreed to live with as in fake marriage as in gigolo with a rich woman 9 years his senior. He asked me to marry him October 18th Then 2 days later he called to tell me about this woman's offer to invest in the restaurant if he would agree to have a sexual relationship with her. I was devastated. He begged me to find another way for ys to buy it. Finally Nov 15th he called and said goodbye and that he was going to live with her so he would not lose the opportunity to finally have a business . I was numb and half dead from the shock of his ruthlessness. I went into therapy and joined a gym and thought we would never see each other again after a 14 year love story. One week later Nov 22 he called crying like a child saying he had never gone through with it and could not betray me and talked about all of our wonderful memories. I was terrified not knowing what to believe. Over the next month he continued to talk to me and seduce me with heart breaking love songs and letters and promises to never leave me and how much he wants a family with me and talk everyday to my pregnant tummy and take me back to a restaurant one day soon pregnant where we were serenaded 9 years ago in Rome. Then out of the blue Dec. 18th he texted me a beautiful note of how much he loved me. Then he disappeared and didn't answer his phone until 3 days later when his best friend answered in a great mood and handed my boyfriend's phone to him who was the drunkest I've ever heard him almost unintelligiblly saying that he had solved the problem. I said I would call him later and he said no we would never hear each other again. I was stunned even though I should have run tne first time he told me if the insane offer from the cougar. He said "she" had solved the problem and would buy the rest of the restaurant and they would live together. I hung up and texted him what anyone would have but restrained myself from any obscenities as I have for 14 years with him. He called several times and then texted me that if I didn't have time to talk to him, then goodbye merry christmas happy new year and enjoy your boyfriend.....what???? What boyfriend. Never heard from him again So the horror of horrors is that I am now an orphan with no sibling, children, parents, grandparents, nieces, nephews, in laws, and now no boyfriend, husband and instead of $500,000 I now have $16,000 in debt
My hope is that this story will be both a cautionary tale to beware of giving money to even your most trusted and beloved and also hope it might make those feeling sorry for themselves to perk up because it could be worse, you could be me today. May God bless us all with peace and health and true love
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