Saturday, August 14, 2010

Going back

My life has two parts. There is the part before my mom died. I was happy then. Free. I listened to any music I wanted. Love horror films and I really looked up to my goth sister.

Then there is the part after my mom died. When I was put into a christian home and controlled and judged. I tried to fit in but no matter how hard I tried I was always the black sheep.

It feels like just 5 minutes ago mom died. and I am still trying to adjust to this shitty oklahoma bible belt life.

But lately I have been listening to the music I used to listen to before mom died. Music is like a time machine. It takes you back. Now it feels like I am back in the fits part of my life. Like mom and I turned around and went back home.

This is a great discovery. It feels like I have my old life back. A happy life.

Now I want to study my old self and go back to being like her. The movies my sister and I used to watch, the music we used to listen to. Sadly my sister no longer talks to me. She is a Christian now. I think she was a better person before she became a fake Christian.

I tried to adjust and make a new life after mom died...but I realize I need to go back to the way things were before.

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