I haven't updated or posted anything in a while. I've been having a terrible time at work and I really need to get away. I have been packing up for NY and filling up boxes to give to Goodwill. I figure that once I am ready something will happen and I can go to NY now. I finished reading Anderson Coopers book and I stopped crying so much.
I am a tad worried about my health. I just feel that I really need to get away from my boss. He is extremely racist and can't spell at all. He makes me want to kill myself. I am hoping to have my car paid off in September. We were planning on staying in the south another year and saving up before moving to NY. But I don't know if I can go through another year. You guys know I can take a lot but the economy is so bad. I can't find another job in this town but I can't quite go to NY yet.
I hate how I try so hard yet he still yells at me. He always wants the impossible. I think the economy in the US is especially dangerous for adult orphans on their own. Once I get my car paid off I will have excellent credit and can sell my car and get the money back and go to NY.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Tax advice for orphans - Part 2
I just filed my taxes today. I used Liberty Tax Service. I was hoping to get a tax refund but no. I actually owed money. Which is kinda strange since I am already scrapping by. Its because I didn't put 0 on my tax w2 form thingy when i got my job. It always the part that I never know what to put. And normally I would call up my mom and ask her but we all know she is dead. So then I try to ask the person employing me....they say they can't legally tell me what to put. Well dammit you can at least explain to me what it means to put 0 or 1. Shit!
Well thanks to President Obama he save me some cash. The government is giving people who work $400. So that saved me a ton on the taxes that I apparently owe. Now I owe a little over $100 total.
So I just wanted you guys to know. Always put 0 on your taxes. That way the government takes out too much taxes and you end up getting a nice check in March. But if you were clueless like me and put 1 then you will owe money. You would think I would have this down right by now. Well now I know.
Also an update on Valentine's Day. I'm doing okay. Kinda lonely but I'm fine. I listened to my Patsy Cline cd and it doesn't sound like the songs my mom used to listen to. It sounds slightly different. It bugs me. So its really not as sad as I thought it would be. But it really doesn't remind me of her. Have a nice Valentine's Day!
Well thanks to President Obama he save me some cash. The government is giving people who work $400. So that saved me a ton on the taxes that I apparently owe. Now I owe a little over $100 total.
So I just wanted you guys to know. Always put 0 on your taxes. That way the government takes out too much taxes and you end up getting a nice check in March. But if you were clueless like me and put 1 then you will owe money. You would think I would have this down right by now. Well now I know.
Also an update on Valentine's Day. I'm doing okay. Kinda lonely but I'm fine. I listened to my Patsy Cline cd and it doesn't sound like the songs my mom used to listen to. It sounds slightly different. It bugs me. So its really not as sad as I thought it would be. But it really doesn't remind me of her. Have a nice Valentine's Day!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Inevitable Grief
All month I have been crying. Not a constant crying but I am in a state where it is very easy for me to cry. I realized that my Grandmother died in February about 6 years ago. I never cried. Same thing happened when my mom died. I didn't cry until exactly 6 years later. Strange. Last night I dreamt that my Grandmother died again. I dreamt I actually got to go to her funeral. Six years ago when she really did die. I was in college. I had gotten an email from my aunt saying that Grams was in the hospital. I thought she would be okay. Then next week I got a letter in the mail saying thats to all who came to Grammys funeral and in one paragraph it said that I couldn't make it. Bull crap. I wasn't even invited.
I never cried until now. My mother never had a grave. She was cremated. I never thought about my Grandmother rotting in a coffin before now.
I never really got to talk to Grams. She was kind of a bitch. But an adult could have a conversation with her. I always wondered what made her so angry. She got skin cancer. She couldn't bath the way other people do anymore. We had to rub oil on her skin so it wouldn't cry out. She couldn't use soap because it would dry out her skin. I'm still not sure what she died from.
She was just another character of my childhood that is now gone.
I'm still reading Anderson Coopers book. Dispatches from the Edge. It makes me cry a little. I still recommend reading it. I love how I read it and see that we all do grieve in the same ways. We have dreams about our loved ones. We wonder why it happened. Flashbacks.
This weekend I will listen to my new Patsy Cline cd. My mother used to listen to her all the time. I will see if it makes me freak out or not. ya know.
And on the whole following your bliss thing of my going to NY. Its going good. I noticed that there are some "unreleased" photos of 9/11 that were on the front page of the newspaper. I find that very inappropriate. Those who lost loved ones on 9/11 are still trying to heal. And then this crap is all over the news? I hope to be living in NY before the ten year anniversary. If you want to help me get to NY you can buy the T-shirt to the right of the blog and $7 will go to me. Also if click on any of the Amazon links on this blog and buy something I will get a commission.
I'm filing my taxes this weekend. Yes, Valentine's Day is this weekend. I may get kinda lonely. But I will just write you guys. And read my book.
I never cried until now. My mother never had a grave. She was cremated. I never thought about my Grandmother rotting in a coffin before now.
I never really got to talk to Grams. She was kind of a bitch. But an adult could have a conversation with her. I always wondered what made her so angry. She got skin cancer. She couldn't bath the way other people do anymore. We had to rub oil on her skin so it wouldn't cry out. She couldn't use soap because it would dry out her skin. I'm still not sure what she died from.
She was just another character of my childhood that is now gone.
I'm still reading Anderson Coopers book. Dispatches from the Edge. It makes me cry a little. I still recommend reading it. I love how I read it and see that we all do grieve in the same ways. We have dreams about our loved ones. We wonder why it happened. Flashbacks.
This weekend I will listen to my new Patsy Cline cd. My mother used to listen to her all the time. I will see if it makes me freak out or not. ya know.
And on the whole following your bliss thing of my going to NY. Its going good. I noticed that there are some "unreleased" photos of 9/11 that were on the front page of the newspaper. I find that very inappropriate. Those who lost loved ones on 9/11 are still trying to heal. And then this crap is all over the news? I hope to be living in NY before the ten year anniversary. If you want to help me get to NY you can buy the T-shirt to the right of the blog and $7 will go to me. Also if click on any of the Amazon links on this blog and buy something I will get a commission.
I'm filing my taxes this weekend. Yes, Valentine's Day is this weekend. I may get kinda lonely. But I will just write you guys. And read my book.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Anderson Cooper Goes Back to Haiti
This just in! Anderson Cooper is going back to Haiti! Heck I was thinking about going to Haiti. What a great guy! Follow your bliss! I am surrounded by guys who go on vacation when Haiti is in need but Anderson goes back! YAY! Great news for the orphans of Haiti!
Totally my hero!
Totally my hero!
Why can't I stop crying?
I usually write several articles on the weekend and post one each day. But this weekend has been different. I usually only cry one week out of the month. But recently I can't stop crying. I'm still not sure why. I am still reading Anderson Coopers Book "Dispatches From the Edge". That may be it. I don't want that to be the reason. I love reading it.
But my friend from College has been writing me. We usually write each week. She has been really upset lately. Saying she hates her job and hates the way things are. I recently read in Anderson Coopers Book that he asked his mother what he should do with his life. She told him to follow his bliss. I thought about that and how I also hate the way things are. I did some research and my friend and I are going to move to NY in a few years. I plan on writing a more in depth article on following your bliss. All orphans need to do that. It almost feels like my mother is guiding me. Every morning I wake up wondering what to do with my life. Especially wanting to change the world. But waking up knowing that I am going to go to NY makes me very happy. It makes me feel full of bliss and so I should follow it.
My whole life I have only been able to know when bad things would happen. I would get a feeling that my car wouldn't make it through college and sure enough I would get in a car accident. It would be totaled and I would have to get a new car. That is just one example.
But now I am excited. Sure it could be rough. But you guys know I can get through anything. Times are tough now. I think all orphans can get through anything.
My friend and I want to try to make progress with our art. I always have graphic design jobs to fall back on. Possibly some modeling. There seems to be a lot of jobs in NY. We just need to save up so we can get there.
I also want to try to find an orphan of 9/11. I was looking on Google Street View and saw the fire station across the street from ground zero where my brother was taking a test to become a firefighter. He is okay. He is retired and married now. But I remember he said they had to evacuate the building when it happened. duh.
Perhaps I am crying because my mother is "talking" to me. After someone dies we cry like crazy. Maybe our loved ones are talking to us. Maybe its a connection. Its been overwhelming lately. I haven't changed my diet. I'm not sure what is causing all this crying.
There are things I will have to go through that will make me cry. Like the last time I rode in a taxi was the day my mom went to the hospital. I just wanted to stay home so I just sat in my room and missed the bus. Mom said I have to go to school I really didn't want to. She would always let me stay home if I wanted. But that time she called a taxi since we had just moved to Oklahoma and we didn't have a car. The taxi picked me up and I cried quietly the way to school. I cried through my first class....second class....third...and then in fourth class they called me to the office and told me that my mom was in the hospital and that I will be going home to my aunts for the rest of the week. So riding in a taxi again will make me cry. Also flying a plane. Last time I flew was with my mom from Boston to Oklahoma. Thats REALLY GONNA HURT. I hate planes anyways. Also leaving the place where mom died. I'm not sure how that will affect me. She has no grave so that helps.
It will be an awesome journey. And I hope it will help all you guys.
So moving will be good for me, my friend, and this blog. Also I am still crying. Not sure why. Maybe once it ends I will figure it out and let you guys know.
But my friend from College has been writing me. We usually write each week. She has been really upset lately. Saying she hates her job and hates the way things are. I recently read in Anderson Coopers Book that he asked his mother what he should do with his life. She told him to follow his bliss. I thought about that and how I also hate the way things are. I did some research and my friend and I are going to move to NY in a few years. I plan on writing a more in depth article on following your bliss. All orphans need to do that. It almost feels like my mother is guiding me. Every morning I wake up wondering what to do with my life. Especially wanting to change the world. But waking up knowing that I am going to go to NY makes me very happy. It makes me feel full of bliss and so I should follow it.
My whole life I have only been able to know when bad things would happen. I would get a feeling that my car wouldn't make it through college and sure enough I would get in a car accident. It would be totaled and I would have to get a new car. That is just one example.
But now I am excited. Sure it could be rough. But you guys know I can get through anything. Times are tough now. I think all orphans can get through anything.
My friend and I want to try to make progress with our art. I always have graphic design jobs to fall back on. Possibly some modeling. There seems to be a lot of jobs in NY. We just need to save up so we can get there.
I also want to try to find an orphan of 9/11. I was looking on Google Street View and saw the fire station across the street from ground zero where my brother was taking a test to become a firefighter. He is okay. He is retired and married now. But I remember he said they had to evacuate the building when it happened. duh.
Perhaps I am crying because my mother is "talking" to me. After someone dies we cry like crazy. Maybe our loved ones are talking to us. Maybe its a connection. Its been overwhelming lately. I haven't changed my diet. I'm not sure what is causing all this crying.
There are things I will have to go through that will make me cry. Like the last time I rode in a taxi was the day my mom went to the hospital. I just wanted to stay home so I just sat in my room and missed the bus. Mom said I have to go to school I really didn't want to. She would always let me stay home if I wanted. But that time she called a taxi since we had just moved to Oklahoma and we didn't have a car. The taxi picked me up and I cried quietly the way to school. I cried through my first class....second class....third...and then in fourth class they called me to the office and told me that my mom was in the hospital and that I will be going home to my aunts for the rest of the week. So riding in a taxi again will make me cry. Also flying a plane. Last time I flew was with my mom from Boston to Oklahoma. Thats REALLY GONNA HURT. I hate planes anyways. Also leaving the place where mom died. I'm not sure how that will affect me. She has no grave so that helps.
It will be an awesome journey. And I hope it will help all you guys.
So moving will be good for me, my friend, and this blog. Also I am still crying. Not sure why. Maybe once it ends I will figure it out and let you guys know.
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