Friday, July 23, 2010

We Don't Fit In - Update

I hate hearing other people talk about their families. All the yever talk about it relatives and family gatherings. I am so sick of it. They live in their own little paradise. I always have to think about trying to survive. The hope of ever having a family is gone.

I got rid of my tv and my DVD player. I am still minimizing my belongings so I can move to NY and not have to be ripped off by mechanics or have to deal with a car. I don't know much about cars. I have no dad to ask. No boyfriend to help. Plus, there are more jobs in NY. If I get fired without notice I have no family to move in with.
And NYC isn't really a place where families gather. Everyone is on their own and working. I don't have to see some van pull into a neighborhood with large houses. People with parents are so spoiled. Typical Americans.

All orphans need to do what they can to make life eaiser. Thats what this entire blog is about. Coping, grieving and learning.

A year ago my car overheated. The mechanic told me the coolant was leaking. I had no damn clue what that meant...and no dad or relative to ask. I figured the air conditioner would just stop working. No. The coolant keeps the engine cool and if the engine over heats the car shakes and the radiator cracks and the car is unrepairable. Well stupid jerk mechanic didn't get his money. If he had told me how important it was to fix the coolant leak he could have gotten to fix it. But now I got a new car and am making payments on that.

When the mechanic told me how much it would cost to fix whatever the hek on my car it was about $2,000 and I cried. I told him I would call him back and I cried. No help. No family. I went to my boss and cried. He said he would take me to get a new car the next day. We didn't go until a few days later. It was difficult cus I had no credit and I needed a co-signer which if I had parents they would be the co-signer. A co-signer is someone who agrees to help you make payments if you have trouble.

I was never told to rotate the tires. Rotating tires helps your tires last longer. I was never taught to do that so I would have to get a new tire at least once a month. But the guys that I bought the car from told me I need to get the tires rotated. The tires lasted longer but they make a wierd noise...most likely cus they haven't been rotated in a long time but I still think they screwed up something. So sick of men making my life difficult.

So I am moving to NYC. And I won't have to deal with cars. I can ride the damn bus or subway. And more jobs means I don't have to live in fear of being fired without notice. I don't have to sit at the computer looking up suicide hotline numbers just because my boss just yelled at me and I am afraid I might lose my job.

And less families around. In NYC everyone is concerned about money and surviving. I also bet people are a lot smarter in NYC. I swear when the weather gets colder I am spending lunch in my car.

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