Saturday, December 12, 2009

Just Orphaned

For the Newly orphaned
I have found that there are several adults that have recently been orphaned. Others have seniority and have been orphans since a young age like myself. When my one year orphan anniversary came along I was still too young to take it too hard. But now I look forward to the anniversary of my mothers death. It seems like she is closer at that time. I think she is more likely to visit at that time. Everyone had a different relationship with their parents so I can't say exactly how things will be. I don't know if things will get harder emotionally for you or easier. Personally it has gotten much harder for me. But I also think it is because of certain circumstances. Like in college it didn't hurt that much because normally my parents wouldn't have been around anyways. But now things hurt because I am out of college and more alone. When I get really sad I try to think of what may have triggered the pain. Usually I find that something subconsciously reminded me of my mom and then I became sad or irritable. Like if I heard a song that reminded me of her or maybe I ate a kind of food she used to eat all the time. Things like that. I ask "why am I all upset all of a sudden?" and then I realize its because of this or that. And it helps me understand what I am going through and why. Sometimes I will listen to an old song that she used to listen to on purpose and cry. I recommend doing this only on a day off to eliminate the risk of becoming irritable or depressed at work.

We need to come together
I think orphans need to connect at least nation-wide and help each other. Become one large family that will help all of us cope with the pain and also know that we are not alone. There are so many times when I just want to pick up the phone and call mom. Ask her a question about money or taxes, call up dad and ask about boys or how to fix a car problem. There have been times when I wanted to find a website that would act as a mother to me and give me advice and make life easier. I hope this website will be able to do that for other orphans like myself. It is terrible when I am dating a guy and I tell him I am an orphan and he laughs. Perhaps he laughs out of disbelief or maybe he just doesn't know how to react. Some people Don't know how to handle meeting a real orphan. I have always wanted to find more of my own kind. Others who wouldn't freak out when they found out that my parents are gone. I wanted to find others who knew that pain I have felt and then I knew it wasn't just me and to know that I was grieving normally. The normal people have told me to just get over it. It isn't that easy. It changes every part of your life.
And when you are orphaned at such a young age it changes how you see the world and so much more. When I find others of my own kind I feel so inspired. Like a role model for me. Ray Charles was orphaned at age 15. Dave Navarro lost his mother age age 15. Martin Short, youngest of 5, was orphaned by the age of 18. Madonna lost her mother when she was only 5 years old. Keanu Reeves lost a very good friend, a daughter, and an-ex girlfriend. And there are many more. Over 1,300 kids were orphaned by 9/11. And they never got to say good-bye. my heart goes out to them. I want to help my own kind. Over 40 million orphans in Africa because of AIDS. I care about them all and they all inspire me. They way they cope with the pain. They way they still accomplished great things. Life shouldn't be so hard for us. If humans were what they were meant to would be easier. If people had understanding and compassion then it wouldn't be so bad. I remember when I was 13 and found out my mom had cancer. I thought life would be easy. I thought people would help me. I thought guys who dated me would understand and stay with me. But no. This is a terrible world. Every morning I wake up and I wonder why it had to happen this way. When ever I think about leaving this world I think "No, I must stay and change it. I need to help the others". Everyday people die. Everyday kids are put into foster homes. Everyday I wonder how can I change the world and make it better. The death of our parents has made us better people. Stronger and more compassionate. More understanding of others and their tragedies. Lets all come together.

The pain
Treat your pain like medicine. If the medicine tastes too bad and it is too strong then water it down. If the pain you feel seems overwhelming then try watching a movie that makes you laugh or read a book or work on some art. You don't have to watch movies all the time but you don't have to deal with the paint all the time. Do things that you enjoy to make life a tad easier. I always look for things that inspire me and make me laugh. Moderation in everything. Moderation in grief first of all. Then moderation in movies, books, and hobbies. We don't want you overwhelmed with grief but we also want you to cope with the pain in a healthy way. Not by drinking, drugs, food or constant distractions. But with moderate healthy activities that will keep your mind at ease. Hobbies are important. Try writing a book, paint a picture, build a table, make a movie, take some pictures at the zoo, watch your fav tv show, rent a movie, plant a garden, cut/dye your hair. These are things that are fun and somewhat productive. I think all orphans need to join Netflix. Keep in mind don't over spend when trying to cope with grief. Don't go on shopping sprees or eat a lot. The last thing you need is to be broke when you are an orphan. Instead I find ways of saving money. Like unplugging the tv and microwave when I don't use them. It saves me a lot of money. I actually don't have cable so I save money that way. I just buy movies. I also went through a time when I was into the Zen simplicity thing and donated a bunch of un-needed stuff to goodwill. My microwave stopped working and I donated that to a recycling center and just use the stove now. As long as you are alive your will be reminded of those you love and have won't just all of a sudden forget them. But remember to enjoy life. I find the holidays are sadness triggers to watch out for. Maybe you can leave a comment on what you do as a hobby and others can get some ideas.